


Why Does Galran Cum Taste Like Fake Grape?

by KataraTakaran



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (for the sake of argument, Blowjobs, Bodyswap, Drabble Collection, I mostly just need a place for me drabbles ;3, Masturbation, Minor bloodplay in ch5, Multi, Noncon peeping @8, Romance, Top notes have extra tages from now on, Trans Characters, VLD:S2 spoilers @9, brojobs, dubcon, goofyness, so this doesnt get out of hand lol, terrible flirting, will tag more as there is more to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-08-10 23:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7865635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KataraTakaran/pseuds/KataraTakaran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(And other FAQs)</p><p>Its drabble time,</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lance, no.

"Keith-!" Lance stopped a foot and a half further away than usual, and it was awful. 

"No." He snapped. 

"Do you got a mirror in your pants?" 

"No. I have a knife." He drew it, pointedly. 

"Because I can see myself in them!" 

"... Why? They wouldn't fit. My hips are bigger than yours. You would look silly. Also my legs aren't as long as yours." He was officially confused. 

"Are you from Tennessee?" Lance stepped forward. 

"No. I was born in Virginia." 

"Cuz you're the only ten I see-!" 

"More like a 9.8, if we're reducing from my 98/100 on my last flight exam." 

"Did it hurt when you fell?" Lance swung an arm around his shoulders. The hair on his back bristled at the touch. 

"It usually does."

"From heaven, I mean. Cuz I swear you're an angel, babe." He did the weird clicking thing with his tongue, and winked over the sight of his finger gun. 

"Yes. It did. Did you miss the part where I said I have a knife?" 

"You can sheathe your pink knife in me, anytime."

"I don't have a pink knife. Just this grey one." Keith was just beginning to get comfortable in the other's embrace. 

"... Hunk this isn't working."

"Thread the needle, Tailor!" Came the advice. "If you don't move directly, you'll miss the eye of the needle." 

"What's going on?"

"My charisma is lost on you. Keith. Would you do me the honour of being my husband?" He knelt, offering his hand. 

"... Aren't people supposed to date before they wed?" 

"Usually. Wanna go on a date with me instead?" 

"...Am I about to get 'owned' again?" Keith cocked a brow. Lance had his hand.

"I'll only yell it if you turn him down." Hunk promised. Where had he even gotten the bush he hid in?

"...is this the part where I tell you no tongue?"


	2. Pretty Gay

"Hey, Keith," Lance spoke for the first time since getting creamed in the face. He licked his lips. His mouth was still near Keith's softening member, just close enough that the warm breaths of his words registered, but not close enough that his tongue connected. If he wasn't a human male, it would almost be enough to ready another round, but as it was, he was done for a few hours at least.

"Yes?" his voice sounded breathier than he liked.

"You ever try another dude's jizz? Like just for comparisons sake?" He seemed to mull over something, licking at his deep molars.

"No." He huffed. "I've never tried jizz before. Not even my own." he wasn't entirely sure he liked this train of thought.

"Mm. Yours is oddly sweet. Kinda like grape soda, if I had to pick a flavour." He huffed, and stood, wiping his sleeve across his face to catch any spooge he'd missed. Keith snorted as he was straddled, and Lance started unbuttoning his pants.

"How many guys have you sucked off, Mr Cum Connoisseur?" Keith tossed his gloves to the side - he didn't enjoy their texture personally, and he could imagine others wouldn't either.

"Me n' Hunk. Just Bro-jobs, though. We're both kinda salty? Mind your teeth man - But the more I think about it the more I'm 90% sure I just gobbled down thick faux grape."  
  
"... Bro Jobs." He clamped down - gently - to make a point. He earned a squeak mixed with a moan.  
  
"Yeah. With Friend Facials. S'how I figured out I was Bi." He answered once he'd recovered. "Hunk wasn't down, though. Content to stay with his food, tech and the ladies."

"...Cool." he was being sarcastic. It was obvious. But before Lance could say anything more, he was distracted. Apparently Keith was straight forward with everything he did.


	3. Attent is a Real Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which All the Paladins have lion ears and tails, but Shiro also has wings because reasons??

It first happened the moment they were all finally reunited after the wormhole incident. The rest of the Paladins were all a purr, all happy tails and attent ears. Shiro couldn't help hugging Keith, Hunk, and Pidge, his deep bass purring barely audible with how deep it dropped in his glee.

Hunk's purring took over a new pitch as well, as he grasped the three of them in return, and clean lifted them all. They were spun around once in sheer joy, before set back on their feet.

“Okay. Where's Lance? I need Lance hugs too or else this whole thing'll be bittersweet.” He demanded.

“He's just double-checking something in Blue.” Coran provided helpfully. “Apparently the poor girl took a beating while they were out. Neither are permanently damaged, however!”

“Lance is hurt?!” was the question from everyone's lips, and Coran just sighed as a pride of Paladins exeunt. He followed at a more sedate pace. So far behind was he that he didn't notice when Keith took the lead, eyes filtering solid red.

Lance was exactly where Coran had said, running an apologetic hand over a scratch on Blue's foreleg twice as high as he was tall. His poor lion; he promised to give her a fresh coat of paint sometime soon. She was getting so scruffy looking. Almost as bad as Red.

A sudden growl behind him was the only warning he got from Keith. He was pinned against her foreleg by a worried, red-eyed Keith, and assaulted with questioning, worried chirps and chuffing.

“Whoa, what-” He started, only to filter off. He could hardly believe himself, passing out, loosing consciousness. He blamed it on the fact that he'd just been slammed around, when he was already mildly concussed from a rough landing or 7.

He didn't realize his eyes had just glazed over blue in the same way Keith's were red.

The team exploded in a moment later, to find Keith and Lance very visibly nuzzling, and purring up a bigger storm than the previous gathering of four.

Pidge started when the nuzzling turned to kisses. “Uh.”

“Uh is right-” Hunk wasn't sure what was happening. Aside from Lance lifting Keith so he could kiss him better, leading to legs entwining around his waist. “Coran, what-?

“How can I be of service?” He jogged the last dozen feet to enter the room. Goodness that was an awful scratch on Blue. Lance was going to be buffing that out, personally.

“What's-” Hunk motioned at the display occurring at the base of the scratch.

“What is- oh. Oh goodness.” He brought his fingers to his lips, and whistled shrilly, earning a groan from the three beside him (Ow, loud), and making the other two start. Red- and blue-glazed eyes turned to attend him instead of one another.

“Mrr.” Lance asked, though Keith just huffed, and went back to kissing his face.

“Red, Blue, you know better! You must ASK your Paladins before borrowing them!” Coran snapped.

“Mrt.” Red huffed, licking her (re: Keith's) lips. Blue kissed Keith's chin a few times in response.

“Yes.” Coran was stern. “Now back to your _proper_ bodies, ladies, I don't want any of that 18 th Overpass business happening again.”

Red promptly mouthed off, then mouthed on, all over Lance's face. When he returned to consciousness, eyes returning to normal, Keith was in the process of licking his face, and straddling his waist.

Keith himself was very confused, as he came to. He'd been running, and now he was licking _Lance's_ face, while straddling his waist. Coran nodded, glad that was sorted.

“And now I have explaining to do!” He announced, much to everyone's relief. Lance and Keith disentangled, with varying amounts of distress.

Shiro stepped in as Coran started to herd them towards the bridge, helping Keith to his feet, and offering a handkerchief to Lance.

“What the fuck dude?!” Lance would delay getting saliva off his face for this and only this.

“I was about to ask the same.” Keith straightened his jacket, tail flicking with open defensiveness.

Lance hissed, openly offended, but both were interrupted with gentle hands on their shoulders.

“Come on,” Shiro soothed. “Coran is going to explain. It... wasn't either of you who started it, I don't think.”

Lance pouted, then set to rubbing his already clogged pores clean of his rival's spit. He needed a mud-mask and a bath, and asap. 


	4. In which this is Stupid.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> /i dont speak spanish let me know if google was wrong/

Keith gasped as the body under him shifted. Red and Blue were so happy to be together, he could feel it. And he was rock hard under his jeans. Lance was also struggling with an erection, was really kind of lost in it, going by his expression.

“I love you-” he crooned breathlessly, was it in English or was it in Altean Lion? He rocked his hips into Lance's at a slightly faster pace. “I love you, I love you-”

Lance wasn't even trying to make words really, he'd gone mostly silent. Gasping for air and grasping the sheets, he was a sight to behold. A thin whine escaped him every time Keith rocked into the right places. So they doubled down on those places.

He accidentally crested first, entirely too familiar with the waves of warmth on his thighs, spilling from his boxers into his pants due to a lack of room. He cursed the size too small boxers he'd landed. But he had Lance and Blue to consider. His fist found a handful of tissue to the side.

Ignoring a previously set rule, he slipped his hand into looser briefs, and, as Lance keened his final note, ensured the pretty boy would not have to wash his pants later.

“oh dios, oh madre, oh madre de dios...” he gasped. “Kled... shit, Reith- I mean-” he was a mess, really. “Padre, Hijo y Espíritu Santo. Mierda.”

“Calm down.” he purred. “Just breathe.” he was a little breathless himself, so he flopped down beside the other, ignoring his sticky crotch for now.

“Why- why's your hand in my pants?” that part was all Lance. Blue seemed content to just relish the feeling.

He removed it. “I've spooged myself before. I don't care. Figured you would.”

“Oh-” he calmed at that. “Okay... mierda, fuck.”

“... La- guys,” Keith bit his tongue to prevent his question. “Never mind.”

“Sup?” Lance was shaky, but he reached out all the same, fingers glancing Keith's cheek.

“... This is stupid. Can I... we, entwine tails?” Red was confused as to why he asked for the simple contact, after such an intimate act.

“Sure?” Seemingly, Lance and Blue were too. He felt silly, but the lonely feeling in his gut evaporated once they were tangled together again. Afterglow was starting to ease into sleepiness.

Lance watched Keith drift off, and Red's influence evaporate. He barely noticed when Blue eased away as well. He took a moment, to ensure he had no witnesses, then leaned in gently.

Keith hummed softly when he was kissed. Lance pulled away slowly, watching his eyes flutter softly, but fail to open. He was out.

“Yo también te amo.” he breathed. He couldn’t stop the rumbling purr that escaped him at the very thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HC: Lance speaks Spanish when he wants to fuck with someone/say something privately, or when fucking. His mother does not appreciate that his only grasp on the language is mostly curses. Fortunately, he does not mind the taste of soap.
> 
> Translator (could be wrong):  
> oh dios, oh madre, oh madre de dios... - O God, O Mother, O Mother of God  
> Padre, Hijo y Espíritu Santo. - Father, Son and Holy Ghost  
> Yo también te amo. - I love you too  
>  Mierda. - Fuck


	5. 빨간

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I write much more itll b a fic on its own

Lance and Blue stared up at Keith and Red. They straddled them, a look that could only be defined as malice alight in Red's eye. They were a _little_ caught up in the moment, claws fully unsheathed. Lance was regretting removing his shirt, as Blue tried to quell the heat that was building.

“빨간.” They mouthed, tasting each character's shape before releasing it. Lance froze, uncertain what Keith was saying. Or maybe it was Red? They seemed to be a little blurred together.

“What's up, bud? Keith? Or- or is this Red? I can't- what are you-?” he was a lot flustered, and even more scared for the moment.

A claw descended, carving a line in his right arm. He shrieked, but Keith had a really strong grip on him. He could only watch as they carved, quickly and efficiently, into the flesh. The foreign symbols were alarming to say in the least.

Once their carving was done, they leaned in, and drew their tongue over the lines. They cleaned up the hot blood they'd drawn, in a few quick laps. They raised their head, a little dazed, when Blue snarled.

They chirped in confusion, peppering the engraving with kisses.

Blue hissed, yanking the wounded limb free with strength Lance didn't know he had. Red looked confused, and sad for the loss. The longer Lance watched, the more he was certain it was just Red right now. Keith wasn't in control.

He listened to himself hiss and spit over the cause of the wound, over Red's enthusiasm, and over Red's failure to recall this was a new set of paladins. They didn't all like the same things.

He listened as Red chirped and purred, acted the victim to get kisses back, all with Keith's face. Caught up in the moment, but didn't it feel good, reasons and excuses.

He was still fingering the scratches the next day, through his sweater. Hunk noticed him favouring the arm pretty much immediately.

“... Is everything alright?” He asked. He always seemed to know when it was okay to loop a massive comforting arm around Lance, and when not to. Lance revelled in the weight today.

“Got a little... hotter than I was expecting.” he admitted quietly.

“Got more than dick kisses I take it?” Pidge nosed in.

“Yeah.”

“Lemme see.” Hunk demanded. An injury, from fellow Paladin or not, physical or not, was unacceptable. He hissed – humanly – at the lines carved in his arm.

“I dunno what was going through Red's head, I don't even know what it says?” he could feel tears rising, but he suppressed them. “It- If I just knew what it said I might be more okay with it, I think it was some sort of... thing? That Red used to do with a different paladin of Blue's? So maybe there's romantic intent but-”

“Yikes, that looks painful.” Pidge fished into their bag for some med-spray. Lance nodded. It kinda was.

“It looks... Chinese?” Hunk hazarded a guess. Without a translator app, or any reception, he wasn't sure.

“It's Korean.” Keith interrupted. He was finally awake after Red had left him passed out. He accepted the incriminating stares. Shiro was at least nice enough to just cock a brow. “빨간. Ppalgan. It just means Red.”

Lance jolted. It was a _label_? And here he was showing it off. He covered it hastily.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to let Red take that much control. I've spoken with her already, she knows what she did was unacceptable. She will not be, um, y'know. Until she learns to obey consent.” Keith powered on, looking embarrassed and ashamed. “I usually have a knife on me, so if you're ever of a mind to carve your name into my ass as retribution or whatever, just ask.”

Lance was now beet red, and rising in temperature fast. Shiro sighed. Hunk frowned. Pidge grimaced, and left, with a simple statement of “I'm out.”

Keith expected no less from the others. Lance looked about to explode.

“Whatever happens, stays in the bedroom.” Shiro groaned. “And no more maiming, please, for the love of the stars.”

“I'm still taking Lance away for the day.” Hunk huffed.

“That's fair,” the remaining three agreed.

“Then you can come and help him with Blue then! The poor girl is starting to show her wear, and I'll not have it!” Coran had really only heard the last of the conversation. It didn't matter, though. She needed a buffing and a coat of fresh paint.

Lance would spend the rest of the day filling, smoothing, and painting Blue's varying battle-scars into non-existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, Translators are my friends. But they can also be liars.
> 
> 빨간 / Ppalgan - Red (Crimson)


	6. cHunks of Rainbow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a dumb conversation between me and a friend.

Keith plonked down next to Hunk, and a was greeted by a bright smile.

“Pass the phillip screwdriver?” Hunk asked, reaching for the tool that Keith now blocked the way to.

“Sure.” Keith passed it calmly, and watched the big man work at his current project. Hunk was content to let him watch. There was no harm in it. “Is Hunk short for something?”

Hunk paused at the question,then nodded with a chuckle. “Hunk is my middle name. But I use it over my first name for reasons.”

“Can I ask-?” Keith pressed, curious.

“My first name is Orange.” Hunk sighed. “There’s a dumb tradition – started off as a Drunken joke, really – where the Mom has to name all her children the same name. Mom wasn’t one to deck tradition in the face.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I’m the second kid. I have for siblings; Red Hunk, Yellow Hunk, Green Hunk, Blue Hunk, and Purple Hunk was due just before we left for Arus. My family almost rivels Lance’s.” He explained, tightening another screw. “My mom is Green Hunk. They only got to green with her family. Gramma was a Pink Hunk, because she was the 9th Hunk born into her generation.”

“The Orange headband.”

“Exactly.” Hunk nodded. “Are your eyes really purple? Or do you wear contacts?” One nosy question deserved another.

“Yeah. They used to be brighter, but I’m glad they darkened.” Keith lingered a moment longer, then abandoned Hunk to his project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whether or not Hunk is joking or not is up to you. ;D


	7. Dare

Shiro sighed, breath solidifying in the cold air. His fellow paladins were arguing, namely Lance and Keith, not quite out of earshot. Daring one another to lick their armour, their lions, bayards, and even his arm; anything frozen by the deep temprature of their current location. 

"Betchya I can lick my own elbow!" Lance screeched, to which Keith looked morally offended. 

"I bet I can lick my own elbow and not get stuck!" Keith countered. At once it began tongues out, elbows primed for the licking. Hunk and Pidge exchanged a glance, but looked relieved when he finally entered the room. 

"Shiro, can you stop this madness? Before they hurt themselves?" Hunk pleaded. 

"Of course." Shiro cleared his throat, pausing the contest briefly. "Boys," he started. 

"This is how it's done." He popped off his metal arm with a few twists. His kids watched in increasing horror and glee as he licked his own fucking elbow.

And, of course, glued his face to his arm with ice. 

 

He wasn't explaining this to Allura.


	8. Whoop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content:  
> Trans Shiro  
> Lance pining after Space!father  
> Betting on dick size
> 
> Just imagine Lance is hidden in a locker or smthg

Lance could hardly contain his glee. Months had passed, and not a single one of them had ever seen Shiro naked, not even for a second. 

So the running bet was standing at two days of Coran time, if one could find out the exact length of Shiro's manmeat. And Lance was going to win, by any means necessary. But now he wouldn't even have to resort to seducing their leader. 

Shiro was readying for a shower. Meaning obligory naked time. Lance bit his lip to keep quiet as he shimmied out of his paladin armour, and rested it in the cleaning pedestal. 

Their skintight flight suits kept nothing a secret. Shiro peeled out of the top half, letting the sleeves dangle while he massaged his shoulder. His prosthesis merged into his arm with a battery of scar tissue. 

He was more scar tissue than skin, actually. Hundreds of weapons - claw, tooth and steel alike - had bitten their way into his body. Up his side it looked like a tentacle had ripped his skin off. In other places it looked like he'd just been straight up chewed upon. 

Lance caught himself swallowing silently. He was no longer surprised that the man was private. He'd gone through hell. But he was only half naked, and Lance still had a bet to win. He kept watching with a personal note never to ask. 

He dropped his belt without fanfare. It clattered against the bench of the changeroom. The noise was oddly loud. 

God did Shiro have great shoulder and back muscles under all the marred skin. His dick wanted him to touch that, but no. Stealth. He could visit the spankbank later. Imagine cumming all over those rippling pecs.

When his flight suit hit the floor, exposing toned buttocks and sculpted legs, Lance's pants almost joined it. Beautiful man, with even more scarring. He wore boxers under his suit. Cute. 

He felt his dick twitch with precum when those tighty whities decended. Beautiful man, gorgeous leader. 

He manscaped like crazy, or just didn't grow a lot of dark body hair. Lance wasn't close enough to tell, nor could he complain. There was an ashy treasure trail just below his navel - an outie - which lightened to almost white by the time it reached the gold. 

Lance's lips were dry. He licked them as he watched. 

The current guess was circumsized, smaller than average, and thick. Lance's own guess differed in length. As it turned out they were all wrong. 

Shiro was like most of them - a needy young man who wacked one off in privacy. Or at least presumed privacy, as Lance was treated to the sight of Shiro masturbating. He slid his fingers into his frosted muff, rolling his engorged clit between his natural fingers. 

Lance had to stand and bare it silently as their brave, beautiful leader brought himself to a climax. 

* * *

"So?" Hunk demanded. Lance scoffed. 

"I was right. His dick is longer than my arm, and thicker than the space needle." He proclaimed. 

He could hear Allua spluttering her breakfast. None of the other Paladins looked very believing.

"How does that even fit in a flightsuit?" Keith demanded. 

"Magic. Saw it with my own eyes." Lance grinned.


	9. Shiro says ****

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In honour of season 2, a terrible theory for your enjoyment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VLD:S2 spoilers, I guess. :3c

When Shiro finally managed to open his eyes, the room around him glowed vibrant purple. Vibrant, Galran purple. His first thought was that he’d been captured again. He was very careful, then, to remain as still as he could as he looked through the purple haze. The room was uncomfortably bright.

After some heavily lidded searching, he decreed he was in Haggar’s care. Likely recovering from some form of surgery or experiment, as he was surrounded by dozens of connective tubes filled with quintessence.

Shiro slowly began feeling out his body. It responded slowly at first. He’d been under a while, by the stiffness. But finger after finger, his hands came back. Then his feet. Once he was confident in his reaction ability, he opened his eyes properly. There was no one in the room.

Blindly, he disconnected the wires and tubes. They snapped off easily, closing their wounds in flashes of white hot quintessence. He kept his eyes open for the slightest hint of interruption of his escape.

His face felt wrong – he probably had a new scar. A vertical one to intercede his lateral one. Absently he ran his fingers over his lip where the stiffness was. Yes, definitely a scar.

His body started to ache protest almost as soon as he’d stood. He cussed the pain silently, beginning to sneak towards what seemed to be a door. His galran hand opened it smoothly. He could pause over the strangely sharp fingers he’d been upgraded to in a minute. He had to focus, despite the empty hall.

The comfortable dimness was a relief. Not as much of a relief as the castle lights would be, but he’d get to that when he got there. For now, he had to find a pod, and coordinates.

Evading sentries was easy. They still marched at the same timing and pace, even after all the attacks. He hoped Zarkon never figured out the cause of the breaches. Several floors of sneaking, and he found a pod-bay. This one was heavily guarded, but only by robots. A hop, skip and a jump later, he was in the seat of an escape pod.

He faltered only briefly when he noticed his left hand had been altered to match the left. But there was soon gunfire trying to stop his progress, people and droids alike demanding his cease and desist. He took them down, and sped out of the care of the ship as fast as possible.

Evading the drones was easy enough. He hadn’t flown ships for years to be stopped by fighters, even when just in an escape pod. A loop about a local planet, and he was swinging off gravity faster than anything else could even conceive. Launching into deep space, he began setting up a flight path. The castle could be just about anywhere.

There were a few familiar areas he could look first, though. The Balmara, for one. Perhaps look over a few of the other planets they’d recently liberated. Knowing the others, they were either celebrating their victory, or conceiving a plan to rescue his ass. Likely nearby, since the fleets would be out of commission for a while at least.

Once he’d selected his first stop, he took the time to inspect his new hands. They looked so real, honestly. Haggar had outdone herself on the mechanics and false skin of these ones. She’d taken his plasma hand away, sadly. The claws could be as effective if used correctly, though.

Shiro sighed long and slow. What a fight, though. One for the history books, even if Zarkon had somehow survived. He probably hadn’t. It was blurry, but he vaguely recalled an explosion that would’ve vaporized the toughest of aliens. He grinned widely at the idea; they were done. He moved to thread his fingers through his hair. Musing the idea of a return to earth was such a sweet, tempting daydream. He hummed softly at the feeling of feeling, warm fingers against warm carapace.

Wait.

Instead of hair, his skull felt like a ridged carapace. A little lower, his ears pointed out into a near-altean sharpness.

“What-” That wasn’t his voice. “Oh god, what the-”

A window opened at prompting. A video feed showed his face back to him, as good as any mirror. Except it wasn’t his face.

A very, very alarmed Zarkon stared back at him.

Just as the castle appeared above his tiny pod. His outgoing call had been answered in person.

“Quiznak.” Shiro swore, distress increasing on Zarkon’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehehehehhehehehehe


	10. Let Shiro Say ****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Pt 2 of Shiro Says **** -

Black had always hated waking up in zero g. It meant something had malfunctioned, and her cubs were in danger, both the little ones and her pride-mates. She shook herself conscious, and peered out into the vast expanses that surrounded her.

Nothing. No planets or stars even visible. And her scanners weren’t working either. Great. Rear thrusters down. Everything down. She couldn’t even pull up a diagnostics screen. Excellent. Just absolutely, splifficatingly wonderful.

Why was she even conscious if nothing was online. This was bullshit.

She sighed, and stretched. The glass in front of her eyes steamed up on the exhale. That gave her a pause. She raised a paw, confused, trying to rub it away.

That wasn’t her paw. That was a hand, wrapped in the armor of a Paladin. Her paladin, little, soft, human Takashi. Her expression brightened immediately. Maybe this wasn’t going to be all bad.

 _ **Thumbs**_.


	11. Now That I'm Coming Home

Lance gaped as they viewed the planet below them. Earth welcomed them, a familiar marble of green and blue. White clouds were sparse today, at least over the islands he called home. When he returned his attentions to Allura, his eyes were glistening. 

"I can give you all one rotation. Let your people know you fare well. Just try to keep communications open; we may have to depart with haste should Zarkon discover our current location." She smiled gently. 

"It's been about a year for earth," Pidge informed them, consulting her laptop. "When we make our approach, keep that in mind."

"Aw jeeze, we have signal again?" Hunk whipped out his cell, turning it on. It immediately came to life, depositing every call, message and notification he's missed in his absence. Shiro smiled softly as they all mimicked Hunk, filling the room with vibrations and pinging. It was a familiar noise he hadn't realized he'd missed. His own phone was somewhere on earth, unavailable. He wished he could check it too.

"Coran, come on! I promised you an Earth meal!" Hunk reached out to grasp his arm, but was evaded. 

"No, no, Number 3!" He shook his head. "Reunite. Focus on that. I'll... how did Lance put it, rain check? Is that right?"

"Yes, sí, Mamá!" They'd all heard Lance speak Spanish before, though apparently he'd been going slow and enunciating. Man he could talk fast. They left him to it. 

"Any... particular reason?" Hunk pressed gently. "It wouldn't be an issue."

Coran considered Allura for a long moment. She couldn't quite meet his gaze. "We... we would rather not bring you down, paladins. This is for you to enjoy, as a reprieve from your duties, as a thank you for all your effort thus far."

Shiro hummed softly in acknowledgement, "You're missing Altea."

"Very much so." Allura admitted. 

"We understand." Shiro squeezed her shoulder gently. "Just... Humans have a saying. 'Home is where the heart is'. So while you both ache for what is lost, don't let yourselves be afraid to make a new home. What is ours is yours."

"Some of our governments  _may_ disagree." Pidge grinned widely. "But fuck 'em."

"Ohana means family, family means no one gets left behind or forgotten. I wanna introduce you guys to my Moms." Hunk extended a hand again. "I want to introduce my _entire_ space family to my earth family."

"It is your choice, though." Shiro reiterated gently. The Alteans exchanged a glance, then sighed as one. 

"Where would be the best place to land the Castle? I'd rather not leave it in orbit if no one is to be here."


	12. I Am Not a Robot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content:  
> Blood/Gore  
> Angst  
> Mentions of Vomit  
> Temp Char death  
> ***  
> So I quite blatantly use someone's HC name for Lance's full name in this one. However I cannot feckin find (or remember) your blog friend-pal-chum-buddy-amigo. HMU if this u!

“Shiro, to the left.” Pidge directed, and he turned accordingly. The cell opened, and Lance was there. Naked, strung to the ceiling with glowing energy cuffs, and very much unconscious from his lack of response, but there.

“Found him! Lance, are you okay?”

“Manual Reboot required.” Lance replied without moving. His voice sounded so mechanical without his usual inflection.

“Lance?” Shiro asked, approaching.

“Manual Reboot required.”

“Lance, now is not the time for joking around.” Shiro chided. The energy cuffs were the only thing keeping him upright for the moment.

“Manual Reboot required.”

“Lance, stop.”

“Attempting Override. Powering down...” Shiro winced as his helmet crackled slightly into his ear before coming to life.

“Shiro? You found Lance? Is he okay?” Hunk sounded like he was running.

“He looks fine. Someone took his clothes.” He frowned, “He keeps demanding a manual reboot? Is this some kind of code you boys have?”

“Override Failed. Manual Reboot required.” Lance announced.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Lance!” Hunk swore, surprising everyone on the channel.

“Hunk-”

“I’m on the wrong side of the ship!” Hunk interrupted any chiding or request for clarification. “Demand Operation 142-4224 CUBA.”

“Operation 142-4224 Cuba?” Shiro was officially confused.

“Authorization Granted.” Lance shuddered, and something on his back clicked. Shiro had to fight the urge to vomit as blood spilt down Lance’s back. He peered through the fluid with a grimace.

Inside was a mess of melted slag that had once been wiring. He could see the glint of steel covering the blue Paladin’s spine. To the side was a more solid box-like container.

“Open the box. Inside are 4 buttons. You have to long-press them all at once, until you hear a noise.” Hunk instructed.

“Hunk, there is a lot of blood. Like, a lot a lot.” Shiro’s fingers struggled with the clasp, but it gave fairly quickly with a click. Four buttons lined up in a column, as Hunk promised.

“How bad is it?” Hunk asked.

“Recall when Green hit that electrified can-opener thing at 25 metres per second squared?” That had been a mess. At least Green ‘bled’ oil and brake fluid, not blood.

“If there isn’t a noise, hold for 30 seconds.” Hunk sounded sick at the thought.

There was a noise. A whirring beep. Not unlike when one had to hardboot their computer tower.

“Then short-press all of them at once. Lance is going to give you instructions. You need to follow them.”

Shiro followed, and Lance jolted as he came back... online? Alive? Then he shuddered, and went slack again.

“Manual Reboot failed.” His voice sounded weaker, even through the mechanical monotone. Shiro’s breath caught in his throat. The bottom of the button-box clicked open, exposing three slots, two of which had microchips lodged in them. “Detonation in T-minus 180 Seconds.”

“Hunk-!”

“I heard! Take the chips, and get clear.”

“But Lance-”

“Take the chips, Shiro! And Get! Clear!”

Shiro jolted, easing the microchips from their slots. He hesitated in the door, uncertain. Lance’s body hung even slacker against the restraints. Blood dripped from his lips. His eyes were so, so empty.

* * *

The explosion took half the ship with it. Blue had to be clamped in Black’s jaws to prevent her from trying to rescue her Paladin. Shiro watched numbly, the pair of chips snugly in his natural hand.

The Lions took them back to the castle more than they flew. Shiro stumbled slightly as he stepped out of Black. Hunk wasn’t there, but the rest of the team was. Keith assaulted his clenched hand, barely noticing the tacky blood still drying on them. He made a distressed noise at the two tiny remnants of Lance.

Pidge lifted one of the chips, peering at it. “This is Human technology?” She frowned. “I don’t understand, Lance was a robot?”

“I don’t... he looked...” Shiro paused. “Excuse me a moment.” Pidge was left with the chips, as he stumbled off to the side to ‘wash up’. And maybe puke.

“Where’s Hunk?” Keith demanded. “He has some idea.”

“He ran to his quarters the moment he arrived.” Coran peered over Pidge’s shoulder. “What are these used for, on Earth?”

“They’re memory chips. Humans store Music, and Pictures on them. Files. Anything that’ll fit.”

“And what’ll fit?”

“There’s no size label on them.” Pidge turned them over. She considered her laptop, abandoned off to the side. “Give me a minute.”

The chips fit into her laptop’s slot easily, but immediately locked down. She didn’t have the password. She set the encryption program work against it.

It hadn’t worked by the time Hunk returned, headband in hands.

“Okay.” He started. “Who has the chips?”

“Me.” Pidge answered, while the other two looked to Hunk for answered.

“Give.” He demanded them. The inner layer of the headband had several chips tucked into it already, the same shape and size as the ones Lance had held. “Open this one instead.” He offered one with green lines rather than the rests’ blue lines.

Pidge made the switch, watching as Hunk stowed the hardware with utmost care.

“Hunk, if you would _Care to Explain_?” Allura finally spoke. Her face was unusually pale. Keith seemed to echo the sentiment, as Shiro finally returned, still looking disturbed.

“Lance was supposed to tell you himself. I’m kinda tempted to make him do it anyways.” Bitterness and tears ringed his tone. “I’m just a mechanic.”

“So he was a robot.”

“No.” Hunk shook his head. “You guys probably recall from History of Space Exploration in our first year, when we talked about landing on Europa the first time?”

“Yeah?” The human half of the team understood. Keith kind of shrugged, while the Alteans were completely lost.

“Astronaut Leandro Alejandro Núñez Cuesta Espinosa-McClain. LANCE McClain.” Hunk spelt it out. “Died in a fiery crash, reentering Earth’s atmosphere. Left behind a large family, who agreed to let his preserved genetics be used to recreate him. LANCE McClain, born again a year after his death.”

“I recall that. It was a breakthrough in the cloning industry. But that was 50 years ago.” Shiro frowned deeply.

“Along with LANCE McClain Jr... This is super classified, you didn’t hear it from me. Along with Lance Jr, there was a secondary project started, called the LANCE unit. Clones of the clone, to serve as Co-Pilots in the astroengineering industry.

“They’re augmented with a computerized memory-bank. They’re made... made replaceable. Something that could hold up stronger than a human, that didn’t have to be retrained if lost. Things that could learn from the previous mistakes. Maybe even save the equipment, the human team-members.

“Lance is... Lance is LANCE unit CUBA, a third generation model. He was in classes to provide the database. To guinea-pig under the top fighter-pilot, and provide the database.” Hunk rubbed at his face. “If we want Lance back, we have to go to Earth, and get another unit. Won’t even... won’t even have to retrain him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ill post part 2 later


	13. I Am NOT a Robot (P2 of ??)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content:  
> A whole lotta Lance  
> Cloning

To say the warp to Earth was quiet and stressful would be an extreme understatement. They warped in just past Kerberos, opting to fly the remainder of the system, since the Altean maps didn't have a proper measure of the system.

Pidge talked restlessly, trying to fill the void. "This one is Uranus, after the personification of the sky, and this is Saturn, after a god of agriculture, and that big one we call Jupiter, after the king of gods, god of the sky and lightning-"

"Princess, we're being hailed." Coran spoke over Pidge.

"I thought your system was void but for your home planet?" Allura asked of Shiro.

"There may be an exploratory craft. Jupiter is big enough that it's perfect for gravity assists." Shiro answered.

"Should we answer it?"

"It's a good idea. I mean, we'd land before the signal gets to Earth, but in good faith."

"Very well."

The screen opened, dark for a moment as converters worked the decipher the signal. Eventually just an auditory box raised - no video feed.

"Attention Unidentified Craft, please present Identification and Purpose within this system." The voice was Lance's. Older, more professional maybe, but Lance.

"I am Princess Allura of the planet Altea. I and my crew wish to land on your third planet so that one of my crew may receive medical attention."

"Unfortunately Earth does not yet have facilities for extraterrestrial beings. We would request that you alter your course out of the system." Hunk grimaced.

"Allura, may I?" He asked quietly. She nodded. "This is Cadet Hunk Garrett, 142-4224, requesting assistance with LANCE unit CUBA."

"You're a little more than just a Cadet, Number 1..." Coran frowned.

"My profile on earth still has me as a Cadet." He shrugged.

"This is LANCE unit COLOMBIA. Your approach coordinates are as follows."

They were brought in to land, not on Earth, but on Europa. It was a fairly extensive base now. They landed, and a tunnel extended out towards the front entry, sealing about the door. Mostly. The door was too big for the tunnel.

Allura immediately set up atmosphere about the castle, urging her Paladins ahead.

She caught up to them before they made the door. "Is there anything I should know?" She asked quietly of Shiro.

"I'm not sure. Just... just operate as though we've never had intergalactic visitors before." She grimaced.

"Lovely. No rules, no expectations. I am just the diplomat for the entire universe. Excellent."

"Mmhm." Shiro did not relish her position. "Could be worse. Could be Zarkon. Or those Lovely Pluntoriorianites."

"I'm better than those automatically. I'll be fine." She stood a little straighter all the same. She was calm.

It was hard to stay calm when they were greeted by not one, but 7 Lances.

The six were identical yet, younger than Lance by a year and a war. The seventh was maybe a little older, with a small scar on his lip, and a five-o-clock shadow. He too had failed to see war, but he commanded all the same. He lacked Lance’s warm gaze.

"I am Unit Commander COLOMBIA. Please present the LANCE unit requiring assistance."

"Here." Hunk slipped off his headband, and presented it. "His body detonated before we could repair it. I have a full cerebral backup."

"It takes specialized clearance to override or use a spare, unfortunately. CUBA will need to be backed up and scanned, and it will take time to gain clearance, if he is deemed acceptable."

"Is there any way I can speed the process?" Hunk asked.

"You are a Mechanic, yes?" Colombia asked. "We have a unit requiring maintenance, but our in-house mechanic is on shore leave for the next 9 months 3 days. If you would agree to take over, it would allow Units ENGLAND and GERMANY to focus their efforts."

“I’ll do what I can.” Hunk nodded eagerly.

“SUDAN, SYRIA, take him to the Med-Bay.” Two of the Lances broke off, leading Hunk away. Pidge started after, only to be stopped by Colombia’s gentle hand on her shoulder. “Unfortunately our bay is only for trained faculty. I must ask you to refrain from following.”

“That sounds like bullshit.” Pidge growled, honest. Colombia’s polite smile did not falter.

“That _is_ bullshit.” Keith snapped, starting forward as well. “We need Lance, and we need him fast.”

“Unit CUBA will be re-situated as soon as possible.” Colombia stated. “Provided proper clearance.”

Allura stepped in before either of Voltron’s arms could reduce to blows. “I understand you have your limitations, Commander. My Paladins are simply anxious to have their brother back. One cannot run back into the war-zone shy a leg.”

“A Paladin?” Colombia frowned, still even and polite.

“One of five in the entire Universe.” She smiled in return. “Lance... er, Unit CUBA is the Blue Paladin, the Right Leg of Voltron, the Defender of the known Universe. We are at war with the Tyrannical Emperor Zarkon; getting Unit CUBA back in working order is imperative.”

“I see.” Colombia considered, then offered an arm. “If you would follow me, your Majesty. I believe speaking with my superiors personally would speed the case immensely.”

* * *

As they followed Allura and Colombia, the Paladins were flanked by the remaining four mini-Lances. They all seemed to be in awe of Shiro, especially. He didn’t think too much of it – Lance had always fawned over him – until one of them spoke.

“I’ve never seen a TAKASHI unit before... are you all so big?” This particular Lance had one eye that was just a tiny bit darker than the other.

“Takashi... Unit?” Shiro couldn’t help the frown.

“I wasn’t even aware they let the TAKASHI line off-planet yet.” The Lance on his left had bangs that were longer by just a half inch.

“Takashi line?” He asked again.

“Yeah, it’s like super whopping new. You probably don’t even have a database yet.” Dark-eye grinned. “Oh- are you guys not told you’re units? Are you deep cover until the database goes live?”

“We can keep a secret! Wait, your hair is white – did they screw up your accelerant dosage?” Long-hair asked.

“You can’t just _ask_ someone about their acceleration schedule, Somalia.” Dark-eye chided.

“Wait, wait, guys.” He paused them. “I’m not a- a... A Unit. I mean, yes my name is Takashi, but-”

“Oh, Cheese and Crackers, you’re The Provider?” Long-hair (Somalia?) asked, suddenly looking far more alarmed. Dark-eye started at the words, suddenly straightening up to attention.

“I am so, so sorry Sir, I didn’t know! Please forgive my rudeness!”

“No, no, at ease La- er, Cadets. Officers. I don’t know your ranks.” Shiro grimaced. “I just- I wan’t aware there was a... Takashi line? Never-mind one that kinda looked like me.”

“If you are A Provider, it would have been authorized by your next of kin after you were declared dead.” The rear right Lance was three inches taller than his compatriots. “These are Units SOMALIA and SAUDI-ARABIA. I’m SAO-TOME. I believe Cadet is appropriate, as T through Z are still receiving accelerants.”

“Keith, did you-” Shiro asked.

“I signed a lot of things the weeks following. Half of it while in shock, and all of it while under-aged. I take no responsibility.” Keith defended himself. “I take responsibility for punches thrown, though.”

“That’s fair.” Shiro frowned.

“Are you all seriously named after countries?” Pidge grabbed the ear of the yet unnamed Lance. He didn’t appreciate the tug, but allowed it in the same way Lance allowed the contact.

“Yeah.” He replied. “I’m Switzerland, by the way, since the Prince of Piss decided I wasn’t worth the introduction.”

“That was because you hadn’t shoved your foot in your mouth yet, Swiz. And it’s pronounced ‘Principe’, thank you.” Sao-Tome huffed.

“Nice.” Pidge grinned. “So who can break me into the med-bay to help Hunk while tall and serious gets his jam on with the Princess?” She had her priorities.

“Totally, come on.” Switzerland grasped her wrist, and she was dragged down a hall while Colombia wasn’t looking.

Shiro didn’t have a chance to protest. They were already gone.

“I should follow her.” Keith offered weakly.

“Not while I’m watching you aren’t.” Shiro warned. A moment later he had to turn to pinpoint Allura vanishing into an office, and when he turned back, Keith was gone, and the remaining three Lances looked confused. They turned to him for an explanation.

* * *

Switzerland peered over the viewing window, checking the room. Pidge was at his elbow, and after a minute, Keith was at hers.

“So the Mechanic is in surgery.” He pointed. Hunk was arc-welding in a Lance’s back. A mess of tools surrounded him.

“That’s Hunk. He’s the Yellow Paladin.” Pidge explained. Sudan and Syria looked bored as they oversaw his progress. Switzerland grinned at the idea. He scuffled down the corridor below the window ledges until he hit the farthest one.

“In here.” He confirmed. “England and Germany are working on Cuba.”

“There’s just two Lances sitting at computers.” Keith observed, unimpressed.

“They just started. They’re waiting on Cuba’s scan, probably. They can’t let him enter the database before ensuring he’s clean, or else we all go down.”

“I’m going to hack in and watch.” Pidge fished her laptop out.

“The password is LanceIsAwesome.” Switzerland grinned.

“I’m in.” She pecked the code in, and was graced with familiar Terrian jargon. “Yeesh. Kinda don’t wanna be. Who designed this mess?”

“Unit BAHAMAS. And a bunch of other scientists.” He provided.

“Yes, I see the Lance in this now. Is coding this bad genetic?” Pidge asked.

Switzerland couldn’t hide his laughter. Keith flinched – it was Lance’s face, but not his bright giggle. Pidge got a high-five.

“You know, the only one who cares is Colombia. If you shut up we’ll let you watch, Swiss.” One of the older Lances stated dryly.

“But sneaking is fun.” Switzerland immediately countered.

“It only counts as sneaking if you stay hidden, idiot.” The other Lance called from inside the room. “Get in here. Tell your friend not to doxx us.”

“Doxx is the wrong word.” Pidge closed down, darting into the room.

“I don’t care. England, shut the fucking door. It’s cold out there.”

“Fuck you Germany.” England held the door open wider a moment, before eyeing Keith. “You coming in, Red?”

“I’m just here to make sure Lance is okay.” He didn’t like all these familiar faces mocking him. England’s face softened slightly.

“I’m going to go piss off Rica. Mind Green and Cheese.”

“Door. Close it. Now.” Germany didn’t seem to care.

The door clicked as it shut, blocking out the noise of the room. England leaned against it, calm. “You okay, Kid?”

“I’m fine.” He couldn’t quite hide the growl in his tone.

“You just find out?” He asked next.

“You can stop the worried, patient thing with his face, thanks.” Keith turned away. There was a soft sigh behind him.

“Hi.” England extended a hand. “I’m Lance’s identical younger brother, England. What’s your name?”

“...” Keith glanced back, and was surprised by a pair of frames, and a gentle, reserved expression. England stood more relaxed than the Garrison’s military-esk training would allow. “Keith.” He finally answered.


	14. Definitely not an outtake of FF&S??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content:  
> Cunnilingus/Blowjob  
> ~*Oral*~  
> half-Galra!Keith  
> Dubious alien biology  
> Space dad not being paid enough to put up with this ****

Keith moaned as Lance rocked into his backside. The thick flightsuits they wore were in the way, but also hiding everything that needed to be hid. Who knew when someone would wander into the Blue Lion’s hanger in search of something?

His body ached with each grind. He wanted more. Lance did too from the way he groaned and clenched his thighs. He really did, from the way he whined when the pressurization kicked in, and tucked him back together.

“No, no,” He gasped. He buried his face in Keith’s neck, clasping him close. Keith curled a hand into his hair, inhaling deeply.

“Lance, I think it’s time.” He admitted gently.

“I don’t wanna get debriefed. I wanna fucking nut.”

“That’s what I mean. Bedroom, where we can get really, very naked, and figure things out from there?” Keith smiled when a very blue eye opened to study him.

“That sounds amazing, actually.” Lance kissed his chin, and pulled away. “Meet you there?”

“Hell yeah.” He slipped away to gather the discarded pieces of armor. They were pretty neck and neck the entire trip. Lance ducked into his room, as Keith blew past him to skid into his own.

He zipped out of his flightsuit as quickly as he could. His boxers were damp as he discarded them as well. He snatched up a fresh pair, and slid into them as he headed back out the door. Lance was already there, though, eyes dark with lust.

“Going somewhere?” He teased.

“Get in here.” Keith grabbed the loop of his jeans. Lance followed too easily, knocking them both over. Lance took advantage of the situation, pulling Keith’s ass into his crotch so that he could grind.

Keith groaned, biting down on his lip as his eyes fluttered shut. He arched up with a keen when Lance seemed to regain himself enough to pull away. Pants were in the way. Underwear was also in the way.

Keith shimmied back out of his own, and clambered into the bed. Lance was quick to follow, all but falling into him to kiss his face several messy times. His hands cupped his ass automatically, drawing his hips into his hips.

And then he stopped, pulling away to look at what he was dealing with.

“What’s wrong?” He was panting slightly, as he propped himself up on his elbows.

“We need a condom.” Lance thumbed the slick folds between Keith’s thighs. “And I was expecting dick.” He didn’t look especially broken up over it.

“I have two options; make a comment about your big mouth, and get eaten out, or I can show you how to get some dick.” His ears flicked back, as he considered.

“There _is_ dick down here? Okay.” Lance shuffled back, and leaned down. Keith whimpered slightly as warm breaths proceeded warmer lips. Lance buried his face in him. He licked deeply, feeling more than seeing, sounding out the anatomy. Keith’s other lips tasted like salt at first, but when he pulled away for air, the taste faded into something akin to artificial grape. He wasn’t complaining.

His finger slipped in so he could use his tongue more tactically, drawing circles around the crest of Keith’s opening. That was where the clitoris was supposed to be, he was pretty sure, and that was where there was a slight, hooded opening.

Keith was panting under his ministrations, grasping the sheets with one hand, using the other to try and muffle the needy noises he was making. His hips were trying to grind into his mouth.

“Babe, am I pushing you too fast?” He replaced his tongue with his thumb for the moment.

“Nn,” He had to release his thumb to speak. “Pretty close.”

“Want me to keep going?”

“Gimme something to do, I’m just laying here taking it.” Lance bit his lip, considering, before shuffling forward. He continued to roll Keith between slick fingers, slower than before. Keith moaned softly, before taking Lance with his mouth.

Lance had never had his dick sucked before, but there was no arguing Keith was good at it. It took mere minutes before he was a gasping, panting mess, begging Keith to continue. He eventually tapped his head, fumbling over his name.

“K-keith-” Violet eyes stared up at him, though his cock was permitted to slide free of his mouth.

“Okay?” He asked, way too close. The hot breath on him, plus the absent way Keith licked a bead of pre-cum from him was more than he could bare. His body seized as he came, finished, a wordless cry escaping him.

When he looked back down, chest heaving, Keith looked mildly startled, jizz splattered across and dripping down his face.

“Oh god, shit, I’m sorry-” He froze when Keith suddenly broke down laughing.

“Sharp work, samurai.” He giggled, grabbing a corner of his blanket. He cleaned his face quickly. His amusement still showed when he smirked up at him a moment later. “Think you can beat that?”

“I was going to, until we shuffled.” He took the bait.

“Prove it.” The dark of his flush, the wide-blown pupils ringed in purple, to his smug, smug grin, it was all disastrously arousing. Lance grinned, embarrassment not quite forgotten, but tucked away for now.

A second later, he was Australian-kissing Keith again, sucking and nipping lightly as well as his previous licking. Keith didn’t have time to comment on the ass in his face – it was a very nice ass, though – as his brain melted into feeling and breathing.

He was still worked up from earlier, so it didn’t take long at all for Lance to ‘talk’ him up and over. Lance surfaced, gasping for air, chin dripping. Keith felt him freeze, more than saw anything but stars.

“Okay?” He asked, kissing the thigh next to his face.

“Okay, first.” Shiro’s voice echoed into the room. “Close the fucking door. Second, Do not leave a trail of lost undergarments in the hall. Three: When you have a job to do, I expect it done. You cannot skip debriefing to fuck.”

Keith peered around the fantastic ass in his way. Shiro was standing outside the room, thankfully, but his arm was visible, counting to 3 as his rules did.

“And Number Four, do not forget to close the damn door!”

Oops. “Sorry Shiro... I got excited. Can you close the door?” Lance palmed his face clean.

“I expect you in the command room in 10 minutes.” He replied, and the door slid shut.

“Oops.” Keith could feel his face burning.

“Heh.” Lance grinned sheepishly in return. He slid off Keith, sitting up. “Sorry I... a little early.”

“I- I had fun.” He accepted the apology with a gentle squeeze of the hand.

Lance softened. “I did too. Also, you make amazing noises. We may have to revisit this later. If you want.” Keith hummed warmly.

“Absolutely.” He kissed him softly. Lance grinned, pressing back. Keith faltered at the sticky flavour on his lips. “Grape?”

“That’s all you, purple.” Lance tugged his fluffy ear affectionately.


	15. Obligory Wing!Fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winged!Keith  
> Sudden, painful, bloody appearance of said wings  
> Klance fluff  
> Hurt/comfort  
> Ascending into the fucking roof

"They're not even practicing in here, they're just snogging." Pidge's voice startled them both. 

* * *

 

Keith was trying to sleep, but the longer he laid there, the more his back protested. He couldn't imagine why. The altean cots had far superior support to his couch. If anything, he'd feel better by laying where he was.

Their day had been soft. Light training, fucking around with unfamiliar tech the rest of the cycle, with regular meals. Nothing to agitate a wound. Less to instigate a wound.

He stood. Slowly, as his back pulled and twinged. Even with his care, his head began pounding in time with an elevated pulse, and his vision spun the room about him. His lungs felt tight inside his chest.

Was this a heart attack? No, couldn't be. He was young and healthy. So what-

The ship lurched under his feet, throwing him into the wall, then the floor. His cry of pain was echoed by everyone else that was currently not tied down. The castle alarms went off a second later.

Keith could hardly breathe, nevermind move. But he pushed himself up all the same, trying to rise.

The pain in his chest shifted, spearing through him into his back. There was still too much effort to breathe properly. So he gasped for breath, and tried to drag himself out of his room, all the while the castle jostled, and klaxoned, and someone shouted through the castle speakers.

The others were all long gone, doors open and pyjamas scattered. They'd all run to form Voltron. Keith was still only half out of his dorm, with a back that felt like it was on fire.

And then he felt his back move. And then he felt his back tear open. Heard his skin rip, rending and releasing whatever had been under his skin. The remainder of his back flooded in a heat he could only describe as massive bloodloss.

He'd seen Alien maybe once. He could only imagine how the humans felt, but now he knew, and grabbed his shirt down against the protrusion.

It hurt like the devil himself, but he wasn't letting go anytime soon.

The moment he stood, the castle lurched under his feet - something in the distance exploded - and he slipped on his own blood. He landed on his back, hard. Then he was falling forward through a cloud of ice vapour, into Shiro's arms.

"What-?" He gulped air, and it was easy. His heart was steady. And there was no pain.

"Easy Keith, easy. You fell, and blacked out. We put you in the pod when we found you." Shiro explained gently.

"What happened? I thought there was an alien crawling out of my back, there was so much blood Shiro-" he was babbling as he clung. Warm arms tightened about him, before lifting him altogether.

"We're going to put some food in you. And we'll explain." Shiro carted him towards the dining room. "Just breathe, bud."

"B-but-" he did feel woozy, he clung to him for dear life, only half aware of the other Paladins around them.

"Don't worry bro. It's okay." Shiro held him steady until he could be placed in a chair.

 

* * *

 

He had wings. They lay down his back, a smooth wall of dark feathers. Every time he shifted, there was a gleam of violet.

It was disgusting. If there were doubts of his humanity before, they were now confirmed. He hated the notion, and he hated the sleek, black limbs sprouting from his back. He hated them so dearly that fat tears began rolling down his cheeks.

The feathers on his back puffed up against the threat causing him distress, which would have been a nice thought if they weren't the things causing the distress at the time. Instead he cried harder, silent, choking sobs further muffled by the pillow. In the way he'd learnt to through so many foster homes.

He jumped when his door slid open, admitting someone. He immediately tried to feign sleep, but his face and pillow were indisputably wet and blotchy.

"You alright?" Lance asked, setting a tray of food on a nearby ledge. It hovered obediently. "I could hear sniffling from out in the hall, you catch a cold?"

"Yeah. You should leave before you get it too." He could hear the tears and distress in his voice.

"Sounds like a plan. I need to make sure you stand up at least once before I leave, though. Shiro's orders." A perfectly manicured hand took his right hand.

"Let's not, say we did?" He tried weakly.

"Up and at'em, space cowboy."

"No-" he whined, but let Lance pull him to his feet. His wings flopped down and back, still weak and limp. He could feel them now, at least. He had to grip Lance to not follow 50lbs of feather and muscle.

Lance had him. "Looks good, Partner."

"Don't fake texan at me." He grumbled.

"Yaint gunna get me down that fast, buckaroo. Activate your core, don't lean forward too much."

"I'm going to stab you." He gave fair warning.

"That'll just flip a saddle and ride, that will." Lance grinned. Keith scowled, and reached back for his marmoran blade. He wasn't currently wearing it. So his hand just hit a wall of feathers. "What's with the face, Mullet? Cut yourself on your own knife?"

He flinched when Lance's hand touched his face.

"Lance, I think my cold is acting up. You should go." He grumbled. "Please."

"Alright, but Shiro's going to be pissed I didn't walk you through the entire exercise. I expect you to do the whole thing for him, cold or no."

"Sure." Keith was helped back into bed. He froze when Lance grasped his wing, and pulled it up against his back.

"Try and move them in and out of this position periodically," Lance patted the one, then reached for the other.

"Stop touching them." Keith snapped, twisting to grab his wrist.

"¿Que?" Lance touched his chest, "is this Space Cowboy Keith Kogane admitting he's ticklish?"

"Lance-!" He complained.

"Keith~! Are you ticklish?" He grappled in closer, wiggling his fingers into more familiar corners and ribs.

Keith shrieked as he was assaulted. Lance's laughter twined with his own, as he tried to fall back, to escape.

 

* * *

 

His wings were starting to ache, but he pressed onwards. Lance held him down, leaning against each beat of his wings. He was getting stronger slowly. Previously the lanky paladin had held him on the ground with a mere thought. Now he put his whole weight into it, and some of the stronger beats still dragged him along.

"You're doing really good," Lance grinned.

"Focus Lance." He growled.

"I am. Are you?" He quipped.

"Your grip is slipping."

"Whoops~!" Lance, instead of pulling, pushed and released Keith on the next beat. He shrieked as he ascended. His feet were now over ten feet from the ground. "Lean forward, Keef! Aim yourself in the direction you want to go!"

He was now twenty, thirty feet in the air, and encroaching on the training room roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what happens at 3am.  
> I should have been sleeping... (Will prolly not get a cont.)
> 
> For those wondering, my clonefic has been posted seperately from here, and updated aboot a week ago.


	16. Voltron's Hero Academia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voltron x My Hero Academia crossover
> 
> Uncut unedited

Lluvia was drawn by the sound of her youngest screeching with glee. He sat in his father's arms, studying fresh, blue webbing between his fingers. His ears had sprouted into flower-like fins, and two tiny, blue nubs peeked out of his hairline. His neck was lined with tiny, blue tinted gills.

"I'm a fish, Daddy! I'm a fish like you!" His quirk had appeared. Finally, she'd almost started worrying.

"A fish?" She barged in dramatically, even as her husband laughed, snuggling their son. "What does that make you, the fourth fish in the family?"

"Nuh-uh! I'm fishy 5!" He patted his father's face, then reached out for her. "Mama! I got fancy ears like Auntie Josa!"

"You do! Such a pretty boy you are!" Soon enough his three sisters joined them, screaming about their little brother's pretty ears. His blue fit right in with their golds, greens and pinks, even if he had those odd head-nubs his sisters and father lacked.

She didn't think too hard on it.

"I'm sorry love," Mortimer whispered as the children swarmed. "I know you were hoping for a singer from the lot."

"It's alright. I'm sure at least one of my grandchildren will quirk Siren instead."

"And you can blame it on Papa's strong genes."

"I will." She chuckled. "Your genes, your paperwork, though."

"Aw, c'mon, last chance?"

"Nope. Come on girls, let's go make a special dinner to celebrate!"

* * *

 

The paperwork was no less confusing the fourth time, but it was a familiar struggle. He steeped tea and tugged on his ear-fins as he floundered through legalese, as Leandro sat nearby and played.

Leandro sang a familiar learning tune as he set up a tea party for his bear and rocket-ship. Something about stars, or maybe the letter song. He did like to combine them.

And then he broke off mid word.

"Everything alright there, buddy?" He looked up from the forms. Leandro was sitting, staring wide eyed at the stuffed bear.

The ancient toy had been his before it had been each of his children's in turn. Now it was frozen solid, flaking into snow at the edges where it had become so cold it was loosing structural integrity.

"Mr Osito! How rude! Your tea was coming! Mr Astronaut waited!" With every syllable held more than a beat, the room grew colder, and the ice spread a little further. Ice-mist billowed on the toddler's lips.

* * *

 

[ Leandro Alejandro Núñez-Cuesta y Espinosa-McClain, or LANCE McClain. Quirk: Ice Siren - can negate molecular vibrations with his voice, causing rapid temperature decrease. ]

* * *

 

"It's dumb, how come I have to wait but you got to be born with your Quirk?!" Keith was 3, and didn't weigh all that much. But to Takashi, 4, wasn't a whole lot bigger. His tiny, baby down coated wings were of no help when his brother tackled him.

"Keith, don't be mean." He grumbled, trying to wiggle free. "You'll get it soon."

* * *

 

[ Takashi Shirogane. Quirk: Flight - has wings capable of carrying him through the air ]

* * *

 

"No! I wanna be a hero too!" He punched the nearest surface, which was Takashi's back unfortunately. "Right now!" And then he kept hitting until 2 toddlers crying finally drew parent supervision.

Which meant time out for Keith especially.

He lumped down on his bed, pouting as much as any child in time out. His ten minute down time turned into an apparently needed nap.

When he woke again, there were people panicking around him. Takashi was crying into his dad's shoulder. Mom was yelling. There was a police officer and a superhero in his bedroom.

"So, if I'm understanding you correctly, you came up to check on him when his timeout was done, and he was gone. And someone, potentially a kidnapper, left this fancy dagger on his bed." Mom nodded. "We're going to set up a parameter, case the neighbourhood. Does he have a quirk yet?"

"Not that we've seen-"

"He has a Jerk Quirk! 'Cuz he's a Jerk!" Takashi yelled, only to be shushed. The officer smiled fondly.

"We'll keep a special eye out for a jerk quirk then," the officer humoured. His easy, reassuring tone, the way he accepted Takashi's insult, it just boiled Keith's turnips.

"No! No! Watch who you're calling a jerk, jerk!"

The dagger on the bed jumping to life to yell made at least two people spook, and one faint.

* * *

 

[ Keith Kogane. Quirk: Sword - can become a sword at will, in full or in part ]

* * *

 

Spending the day giving birth to a lion cub was not how she'd planned the event. Sure, Quirks were old news. Sure, both of his biological parents had feline quirks themselves. But there was something incredibly disarming about holding a crying lump of fur, armed with milk teeth and tiny claws.

His mothers were incredibly happy to see him, though. They cooed over his little whiskers and doted as he opened his eyes for the first time. Both the new mothers were enthralled.

Which was the whole reason she'd joined the surrogate program anyways.

* * *

[ Hunk Garrett. Quirk: Lion - anything a lion can do, he can do. Leap over 36 ft, biting force of 1000psi (humans @200psi max), run @50 mph]

* * *

 

Matt leaned over his baby sister in the back of the car. She sucked her fist as he explained very loudly how a stitching quirk worked. His parents just smiled as he talked, glad their scruffy haired boy had finally gotten a quirk to call his own.

* * *

 

[ Matthew Holt. Quirk: Heal - kickstarts formation of scar tissue. Tends to be messy, but can save lives ]

* * *

 

His sister occasionally burbled a reply. A line spread down her chubby leg, showing where she'd crawled into a broken cup before any could stop her. It would've needed stitches, if not for the convenient arrival of Matt's quirk. They were still going to the hospital, but it was much less panicked.

"Hey Dad?" Matt had turned his attention to them.

"What's up, kiddo?"

"If Quirks are from your mom or your dad, how did I get skin fixing?" He asked, kissing his sister's knee again for good measure.

"Well, your mama here has the ability to stretch her skin out. I have the ability to amplify cell growth and duplication. You combine the two to make skin grow." Sam explained gently. "It'll be a very useful skill when you get big."

"See Katie? I'm gunna be useful!" A bubble of spit was her very well thought out retort.

She didn't have any other wisecracks until they were all huddled in the waiting room of the ER.

She sat on the floor of the waiting area, playing with wooden beads strung on colourful wires. The clack, clack, clack of beads hitting one another was soothing amid the tension of the ER. Right up until the crack of something breaking split the air.

Colleen gaped. Most of the people around them stared. It wasn't very often they saw a quirk strong enough to turn an ancient toy into a sapling of a tree.

* * *

 

[ Katherine Holt. Quirk: Rejuvenation - can revitalize the cells of plant matter, returning deadwood to life, make seeds sprout instantly, etc. Uses growing energy, though. Will remain short. ]

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have bingewatched BNA??
> 
> Also, ive been hanging out at http://www.theponydins.tumblr.com , where im mashing together mlp and voltron.

**Author's Note:**

> Ill be honest, i just think the titles hilarious


End file.
